Am I strong or am I tough?

Lately I have been working on softening. In my meditations and in my daily life I have been seeing ways that I have been a bit protective. And as much as I’d love to blame the people around me for what they are doing that is causing me to put up my walls, I also need to look within myself.

The question “Am I strong or am I tough?” continued to float in my mind… and the answer is both.

The visual that helps me conceptualize being strong is the human body: such a perfect design. Our skeleton is strong and sturdy, holding us upright. Then on the OUTSIDE is this tender, fleshy tissue, softening the exterior. So when I think of being strong, I want to be sturdy, but I also want to be tender.

When I am tough, I see myself wearing this heavy metal armor to protect myself from being hurt. But the armor is prohibitive, and I am still hurting because it keeps people at a distance. I want to create more space in my life for vulnerability and intimacy. So as of now, I have removed the armor, because I am safe and I can keep myself safe.

It’s a little strange: it makes me feel bare and exposed. But I am leaning into it because it feels like the right move to make.